Many people have a warped view of love. Formed by romantic movies, novels, and stories they wrongfully assume that love is based upon feelings, emotions, or responses to them. For example, the high school teenager who falls madly in love with her boyfriend finds out at some point in the future that her feelings for him have changed and chooses to break up with him because she is no longer "in love with him." The husband, who is unsatisfied sexually in his relationship with his wife, decides to have an affair and later a divorce due to "unreconcilable differences" because he has "fallen out of love with her".
These responses, due to Hollywood facades about what love is and how love works, are far from its true definition and in no way should be considered reality. True love is a commitment to the betterment of another person. It is a deep desire for what's best for that person. It is not a feeling and it is not a direct result of things done for us. Rather, true love is a response of the will. Therefore, it will not be found in romance novels or movies. It will not be cultivated in an environment in which another person constantly does something for you. Why? We might see the demonstation of love in such actions but it will not necessarily evoke love because love cannot be based upon the reception of such responses.
Love is not based upon either emotions or actions received. If it were, love would end once those feelings left or good deeds received stopped. No, love is something much greater. This applies to our understanding of God as well. If God's love for me were based upon my response to Him at all times then I would have a claim to have "earned" His love and His love for me would rather be simply a response to the good things that I have given to Him.
Yet, the opposite is true. Scripture tells us that "while we were still sinners Christ died for us." (Rom 5:8) It was while we were opposed to God, that He demonstrated His love for us. Therefore, God chose to love us and His love was not based upon anything done by us to earn it. It was His inherent will to love those whom He had loved that brought Jesus to the cross.
Therefore, my love for my God, my wife, my children, or my friends must be greater than the feelings I currently possess about them or their individual responses to me. To love my neighbor must be greater than his actions toward me or my feelings toward him. Moreover, the great commandment to love God and love others requires, no it demands, that I remove my preconceived notions of love as a response to another and begin to see it as a choice.
True love for my children requires that if my son chooses to deny me, curse the day that he was born and refuse to speak with me that I still love him. True love requires that the high school girlfriend not identify courting relationships as being in love and that the husband who is contemplating adultery reconsider and seek the betterment of his wife which implies the opposite of such a decision. True love forces me to love my wife when she offends me or chooses not to love me in return.
True love is a response of the will and is demonstrated in actions done towards another regardless of their response toward us. This is what makes Jesus' sacrifice so significant and this is what is behind the term "Grace".
That, and that alone, is true love.
Joshua
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